2021 Mock Draft

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August 28, 2021 Some of you have been doing this for 20 years and still have no idea what you're doing. I can lead a Bum, I mean horse, to water but I can't make it drink. A few simple rules: don't draft QBs facing 20 lawsuits that don't know who they'll be playing for; don't use a first round pick on a player you saw for the first time on a fantasy magazine cover; and do not draft New England Patriots.

Round 1

Pick

Team

Player

Comment

1

Ladybirds

Christian McCaffrey, RB

2021 was supposed to be so much better than 2020. Nope. Here we are with the Birds still picking first. Same as it ever was.

2

JoeMorrisBavaros

Saquon Barkley, RB

The JmBs warned they'd be too drunk by draft time. The homerism is strong in this one. But also might work.

3

Valyrian Steelers

Dalvin Cook, RB

He just led the 1227s to the championship. A Valyrian ring before the JmBs get one?

4

PlazaPlayas

Derrick Henry, RB

Hmm. The name "Derrick Henry" sounds like a London haberdashery. The Plazas are sold.

5

The F*** Buddy Ryans

Alvin Kamara, RB

Things are already dicey at pick 5. With Crab Legs at QB, Saints are a mystery. High risk, high reward pick.

6

Metrosexuals

Tyreek Hill, WR

Tom Brady would not be a surprise here. Tyreek Hill is too dangerous to pass on.

7

NBTU

Ezekiel Elliott, RB

He's got to be better with Dak back, right? Now NBTUs just need DeAndre to last, since he has a better name.

8

teen stars

Nick Chubb, RB

The Yahoo supercomputer has spoken.

9

Wisey's Bums

Patrick Mahomes, QB

Oh it's the worst place to be in the draft. Who are Aaron Jones, Jonathan Taylor and Antonio Gibson?

10

Cougars

Davante Adams, WR

The Cougs have followed the Aaron Rodgers saga and just know it's going to have a storybook ending.

11

1227

Travis Kelce, TE

The back-to-back champs are beyond contestation. Whoever they draft will be a monster.

12

Haboobs

Aaron Jones, RB

Play it straight with this pick and then come around the turn with a little razzmatazz!

Round 2

Pick

Team

Player

Comment

1

Haboobs

Calvin Ridley, WR

Have to go WR here since they won't be picking again until midnight. Great if he can stay on the field.

2

1227

Antonio Gibson, RB

The 1227s don't always draft homers, but when they do, they prefer a player that fits a need.

3

Cougars

DeAndre Hopkins, WR

The Cougs don't mean to make the Bums cry by swiping him here, but it sure looks that way.

4

Wisey's Bums

Najee Harris, RB

He might only get 2 yards a carry, but he'll still get to 1,000 yards with how the Steelers will need to run.

5

teen stars

Jonathan Taylor, RB

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Domo, domo.

6

NBTU

DK Metcalf, WR

They got the Zeke and now they've got the Deke. It's a new era of naming conventions for the NBTUs.

7

Metros

Austin Ekeler, RB

Stefon Diggs is falling down the board faster than Biden's approval rating. Meanwhile, RBs are scarce.

8

The F*** Buddy Ryans

Joe Mixon, RB

No more quality RBs for miles. The Prof has cornered the market in RB futures. Looking good, Billy Ray.

9

PlazaPlayas

Stefon Diggs, WR

If last year was no fluke, this could be the steal of the draft. If he busts, at least the draft guac was good.

10

Valyrian Steelers

George Kittle, TE

Without Jimmy G actively trying to get him killed over the middle, he could be a top 12 player. This is the way.

11

JoeMorrisBavaros

Justin Jefferson, WR

A value pick by the JmBs? Probably unlikely, and they'll reach. But he should go here if still around.

12

Ladybirds

Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB

The Birds have had 3 Jack & Cokes since their last pick. They think they are picking "Maurice Drew-Jones."

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