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2010 Mock Draft

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August 25, 2010 The Commissioner may seem like's he's been slacking in the offseason, but he was still able to secure the genius of Mel Kiper Jr. to put together the 2010 Mock Draft. His hair won a Nobel Prize and helped deliver a calf while he wrote this mock draft.

Round 1

Pick

Team

Player

Comment

1

NBTU

Chris Johnson

It is just too difficult to bypass the consensus #1 pick and his monstrous 2009 season. Let it be known though, that his dreads are reminiscent of Ricky Williams and Laurence Maroney right before they busted.

2

Wisey's Bums

Adrian Peterson

The Bums' animosity lingers after taking Peterson in the first round in 2008 (10 TDs and 125 TOTAL receiving yards -- seriously?). He will not fail again. Or will end up in the Lifetime Ban barrens with T.O. and Priest.

3

Metrosexuals

Ray Rice

The Bums made him famous, and now the Metros will make him infamous -- the first NFL player ever to hold out after getting on a fantasy team that hasn't seen the playoffs since the Clinton administration.

4

JoeMorrisBavaros

Maurice Jones-Drew

The JMBs think they are getting lucky here, but MJD is due to bust. And there is no more fertile ground for a bust to bloom than in the garden of the poor JMBs.

5

The F*** Buddy Ryans

Michael Turner

The Prof said that Turner reminds him of Eddie George in his prime. Also, the Prof doesn't think any of the Falcons WRs are worth playing, so they'll have to run.

6

Georgetown Hos

Frank Gore

Six picks into the draft, and the final top tier RB is off the board. There's really no choice here. But the Hos planned on this and called in some favors to have Glen Coffee "retired" so that he wouldn't steal carries.

7

1227

Drew Brees

If Brees could single-handedly carry a moribund franchise with its paper bag-wearing fans to the championship (I'm talking about the FBRs, by the way), then he's worth taking this high.

8

teen stars

Andre Johnson

Things get a little more exciting now. Santana Moss and Chris Cooley are still on the board, but the teen stars takes a chance on a guy who may be just as good.

9

LOTFW

Peyton Manning

It's the LOTs. What is there to lose? Besides, Manning has done 200% fewer commercials this year, so that means he should be at least 50% better.

10

Cougars

Aaron Rodgers

An official run on QBs in the first round of the BRAS League draft. A true indicator of the shift to the passing game in the NFL.

11

Ladybirds

Ryan Mathews

Hell hath no fury like the JJs when you take the top rookie right out from under them. There hasn't been a first round pick with such Tatum Bell potential since Tatum Bell.

12

Raiders of JJ

Steven Jackson

After getting the 12 slot for so many seasons (this is the third time), you'd think the JJs would own this spot. Well, last year after projecting they would take Chris Johnson, they passed. JJs were too good for him.

Round 2

Pick

Team

Player

Comment

1

Raiders of JJ

Rashard Mendenhall

JJs guzzling Purple Drank here. Rumor is that he only wants Mendenhall so that he can legitimize taking his back-up and JJ's-favorite, Mewelde Moore, in the 10th round.

2

Ladybirds

Randy Moss

The Birds wants somebody to cheer for during Pats games, and everybody took note of the folly of taking Tom Brady this high last year.

3

Cougars

DeAngelo Williams

Three picks into the second round and there are no good RBs left. The Cougs continue their hospitality on Draft day by not only hosting, but taking DeAngelo this high.

4

LOTFW

Shonn Greene

He had 33 fantasy points last year, but is still a consensus top-20 pick. However, much like Rex Ryan, there is a high probability for profanity out of the LOTs mouth following many Shonn Greene performances.

5

teen stars

Reggie Wayne

She'd like to take Portis here, but she can't scroll and scorll down the list of players quick enough to find him. Autodraft!

6

1227

Ryan Grant

Yuck. But the 1227s know they need a starting RB after taking a QB in the first round. The 1227s think they are the Shanahan of the BRAS League and make Grant useful.

7

Georgetown Hos

Miles Austin

He's dating Kim Kardashian, and she lead Reggie Bush to the Super Bowl.

8

The F*** Buddy Ryans

Matt Schaub

Roddy White?! No! Lifetime ban of the FBRs! The FBRs must put their faith in the Texans. The FBRs have no doubt that Schaub is this year's Drew Brees. He's been sipping on the JJ's Purple Drank.

9

JoeMorrisBavaros

Brandon Marshall

Such a boring pick in the first round by the JmBs, he has to liven things up here. This may be just crazy enough to get the JmBs to their magical, mythical 5-win season.

10

Metrosexuals

Tom Brady

Metros needs somebody to cheer for during the Pats games, too. Also, it offsets Moss's points on the rival Birds. And Brady has luxurious hair.

11

Wisey's Bums

Larry Fitzgerald

Yes, Fitz continues to slide down draft boards and right into the greasy mitts of the Bums! Again. Just wait till Kurt Warner unretires!

12

NBTU

Roddy White

The disrespect of Roddy White continues as he slides to the end of the second round. The NBTUs drafts him, but reminds him that he's no Crumps.