2019 Season Preview

Succeeding in the BRAS League is always a balance of art and science. And as our current president has repeatedly shown us, there really is no difference between art and science. Just like last year, these highly scientific and artistic previews picked the eventual Buddy Bowl winner to finish first. So in this year's preview, we show how teams blend the two disciplines into their best effort for 2019.

I have included the draft grades from Yahoo at the bottom. They are straight from the scientists at Yahoo. There are no alterations or additions in here, just the grades.

1. Wisey’s Bums (predicted record: 10-3)

Last Season: Predicted to finish fourth. It was supposed to be this colussal rebound season for the Bums. In fantasy reality, they finished 10th.

2019 Outlook: After making the playoffs for 16 straight seasons, the Bums have now missed twice in a row. A third would be statistically remote. As far as art goes, Yahoo gave the Bums an A for their draft, despite having the oldest roster. The average experience of the Bums draftees is 8 years, according to Yahoo. That's old. But to put it in perspective, those oldest players were in preschool the last time the Bums won a ring. But know this, if (and that's a big if) Melvin Gordon actually plays this year, the Bums will have essentially gotten two first round picks and two second round picks. That has to help.

2. JoeMorrisBavaros (predicted record: 9-4)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 2nd and ended up finishing 3rd in the regular season. See? Science. But then got bounced out of the first round of the playoffs by the Birds. That must have hurt.

2019 Outlook: The JmBs roster looks strong, but it seems like it's built to win the Buddy Bowl in 2017 instead of 2019 (yes, I realize it's better than the Bums line-up of 1986 All-Pros). Yahoo thinks they painted a masterpiece on draft day and gave them an A.

3. Valyrian Steelers (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 6th to follow up a Final Four appearance in their first season. Actually rolled in at the 11th spot.

2019 Outlook: The Valyrians have squarely tied their fate to Pittsburgh and the LA Rams. Probably a scientifically sound approach given the likely success of these teams. But it took a real work of art to darft Kyler Murray ahead of Jared Goff, while still getting both.

4. Metrosexuals (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 9th, and almost did by finishing 8th in the regular season. But then they had to go and make me look like a fool by making it all the way to the Buddy Bowl where they lost to the Birds.

2019 Outlook: It seems that every year, the JmBs and Metros have the best draft. However, neither team has won a Buddy Bowl. Coincidence? After the Antonio Brown, uh, transition, the Metros have every present and future Pats WR (Amari Cooper will end up on the Pats by the end of the season after he takes a sharpie to one of Jerry Jones' portraits). After making it to the Buddy Bowl last year, the Metros have conquered their late-season issues.

5. Cougars (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 7th, but actually finished 9th. Only two spots, but a big difference in making the playoffs or not.

2019 Outlook: The draft grades that most people saw may have had the Cougars at the bottom with a D+. But there was an official draft report card where they finished higher (see below). The roster lacks superstar power, but let's remember that they've won a championship with Mark Ingram and Matt Forte as their best RBs. The Cougs won their last Buddy Bowl only five years ago, which seems like a long time only because there was a time they were winning every other year.

6. PlazaPlayas (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 10th, but finished in 7th and then made it as far as the Final Four versus the Birds.

2019 Outlook: The Playas couldn't be bothered to make guacamole or murder rodents during this draft. Instead, they tried just drafting. I think they did the same thing last year, and it seemed to work. It seems the Playas have a bit of a debacle at the RB spot, but maybe they believe this is still a passing league.

7. Ladybirds (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish first and did that very thing. The Birds won their third ring. The Season Previews are an exact science.

2019 Outlook: The Birds honed their scientific approach to the draft with 74 mock drafts under their belt. They had a plan to take Kelce in the first spot and stuck to it. But apparently abstract art took over, as they took Josh Gordon as their first WR (in the fifth round). He is now the third-best WR on the Patriots. The Birds are the regining champs, so they get two things. 1) Respect, so I'm not going to pick them to finish out of the playoffs. 2) No chance at repeating as champions. It is unproven that this can be accomplished in the BRAS League. The Birds will only communicate with their players through WhatsApp, so we'll see how that works out.

8. teen stars (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 11th, but ended up winning the regular season title. The teen stars then unceremoniously bowed out of the first round of the playoffs.

2019 Outlook: The teen stars -- now four years removed from their championship -- opted to use human intuition to draft instead of cold, calculating computers. The teen stars drafted like a machine, though. No fear. They waded into the perennially worst RB situations -- Seahawks, Packers, Bears, Colts. At least they have David Johnson. One more injury, and his rebuild will officially be able to be categorized as a cyborg.

9. NBTU (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 12th, but actually finished 5th, before losing in the first round to the FBRs.

2019 Outlook: The NBTUs had to get creative, as their usual strategy of drafting former NBTUs didn't materialize until the later rounds. After getting burned by LeVeon Bell last year, the NBTUs demonstrated strong management, and it may be needed again this year. If they so choose, the NBTUs can unleash the Detroit Lions complete offense (QB, RB, WR) on teams. The Bums did something similar last year. It didn't go well.

10. 1227 (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 8th, but finished the regular season in second place. In a classic 2-7 upset, the second-seeded 1227s lost to the 7th-seeded Playas in the first round of the playoffs.

2019 Outlook: Earlier this week, the 1227s owned 3 players on the top 10 list of trending transactions. Unfortunately, it was the Dropped list. But who are millions of fantasy football managers to determine what the 1227s should do? How many of them have had a perfect season like the 1227s?

11. LOTFW (predicted record: 4-9)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 3rd as they defended their title. Actually finished, um, last. A 3-10 record leaves a lot of room for improvement!

2019 Outlook: The LOTs roster looks like a collection of paintings bought on the pathways of Central Park, where you're hoping just one of those turns out to be a famous artist. It's really hard to judge if this is trash or treasure.

12. The F*** Buddy Ryans (predicted record: 3-10)

Last Season: Predicted to finish in 5th last year, the FBRs finished in 4th and also made it to the Final Four.

2019 Outlook: After taking Devante Adams in the first round, the Prof sighed in despair and regret. The FBRs seem on the path of making their players feel as unwanted as the Texans do. However, the Prof showed a softer side by taking chances on players returning from injury and those on suspension for supercharging their baby-making equipment. At some point the FBRs have to take a turn at the bottom. Frank Gore isn't walking through that door. Oh wait, maybe he is.


2019 Season Preview

Sept 8, 2019 - The draft occurred days ago, but much has changed in just a few days. Check out a scientific analysis of how all teams will finish. It's the 2019 Season Preview.

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