2020 Season Preview
2020's hardship has given us an appreciation of things we might have taken for granted. For instance, fast food drive-thrus! The covid might shut down the Palm, but it can't stop Carl's J.R. So we celebrate fast food in our Season Previews. Last year the Bums were picked first, and naturally had their worst season ever. Good luck to all.
I have included the draft grades from Yahoo at the bottom.
1. Valyrian Steelers (predicted record: 11-2)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 3rd and ended up in seventh (7-6). They lost to the FBRs in the first round of the playoffs. No shame in that. Losing to the FBRs in the Buddy Bowl, however, is full of shame.
2020 Outlook: Welcome to the #1 spot! Sorry. The Valyrians have shown the management chops over their first two seasons in the League and just had a whopper of a draft. Top-to-bottom it is filled with players that other teams look at now and wonder how they passed up. Cam Netwon might not work out, but I'm guessing that his coach will cheat enough to get him solid numbers. Just in PPR totals per game, they'll probably get 12-15 points. Many weeks, points are going to line up for them like they are going to Shake Shack.
2. The F*** Buddy Ryans (predicted record: 10-3)
Last Season: Predicted to finish in last place (they've earned the privilege after all these years), so of course they went 9-4, finished in second place and went to the Final Four for like the 10th time in eight years.
2020 Outlook: Looking at this line-up is about as interesting as reading the White Castle menu. Not to say that it's bad by any means, but it's classic Prof. Solid construction, good value picks, and even David Johnson looks like he might have a Popeyes-esque resurgence. The biggest question mark (basically the fish filet sandwich of the team) is Big Ben. The QB situation will likely end up being filled by ensemble cast by the end of the season. The FBRs have probably been the most successful team of the last decade when they weren't losing to the LOTs. So now with the LOTs (conveniently) out of the way, what is to stop the FBRs?
3. 1227 (predicted record: 9-4)
Last Season: The champs are here! So it's only natural that a team that is predicted to finish out of the playoffs ends up winning the whole burrito supreme. The 1227s were picked 10th, but finished fifth (8-5) and blazed their way to the Buddy Bowl after a defensive struggle in the first round.
2020 Outlook: No team has repeated as champion, so history is not on the 1227s side. However, this line-up could give them a great shot. Kyler Murray is a wild card, but they stole DK Metcalf and could have a top-2 TE and RB with George Kerry Kittle and Dalvin Cook. Factoid: the first A&W root beer stand was opened just after World War I and Adrian Peterson worked at it. The 1227s are going to the playoffs, but they will likely need to find another starting RB by playoff time unless Ronald McDonald Jones II actually works out (I doubt it).
4. JoeMorrisBavaros (predicted record: 7-6)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 2nd and actually finished 10th at 4-9. These previews are really consistent at preaching the opposite of reality. Very much like a certain orange somebody.
2020 Outlook: Oh, our Yahoo draft grade winners! That doesn't bode well. The JmBs have potential top-3 performers at QB, RB, and WR. After that, the team looks like a Big Mac that fell down three flights of stairs, with Daniel Jones being the soggiest piece of lettuce in the mess. To make the playoffs they are going to need 45 points a game from Lamar, JuJu, and Derrick Henry, which is reasonable. If one of them gets hurt, there's no safety net for the JmBs.
5. Cougars (predicted record: 7-6)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 5th and actually went 8-5, which was somehow only good for fourth place. They lost to the eventual world champions in the first round.
2020 Outlook: Most teams don't even have two true starting RBs. The Cougs have three. We have the RBs!(I believe this was Arby's original slogan to refer to Roast Beefs, but I trademarked it first.) What about the rest of the team though? The WRs are suspect, but Matty Ice should be better than his draft position.If Hunter Henry can stay healthy, he could be a huge addition since whoever is playing Chargers QB will probably be throwing the ball less than 10 yards. After winning 3 rings in their first seven seasons the Cougs have gone five seasons without a trip back to the big game. They could make the run this year with those RBs if they can get to the playoffs.
6. The Haboobs (predicted record: 6-7)
Last Season: New franchise. Spent the season dreaming of gaining an invitation to the best fantasy football league on earth. That amounted to nothing, but they did get an invitation from the BRAS League.
2020 Outlook: The Haboobs didn't do anything outlandish in their first draft, but they did take as many as risks as an immunity-compromised person eating at a truckstop KFC-Taco Bell combo. Basically the entire roster is peopled with players that are on a new team, coming back from severe injury, involved in some manner of contract dispute, or rebounding from broadcasting anti-semitic quotes from Hitler. However, they are all capable of being good football players. This team will probably either score 120 or 65 points a game.
7. PlazaPlayas (predicted record: 6-7)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 6th, and so naturally they finished 6th at 7-6 -- the Previews usually gets this stuff spot-on. The Plazas went on an improbable five game winning streak to finish the regular season and were tested by the League for performance enhancing drugs. They tested positive, but it seems the "illegal" substance is naturally-occuring in avocados, so they won their appeal. However, they lost in the first round to the teen stars.
2020 Outlook: When the Plazas waited until the 9th round to take a kicker, I think we all died a little -- much like when Taco Bell eliminated the Mexican Pizza from the line-up. They took our younger days away from us. But don't worry, the Plazas were still the first team to take a kicker. The starting line-up looks pretty solid (basically the first eight picks before the Plazas only started thinking about kickers). Should they need to start playing people off the bench, the Plazas are going to wish they could turn back time to round 9 and take some other players that are going to be valuable in fantasy football.
8. Ladybirds (predicted record: 6-7)
Last Season: Predicted to finish seventh (which would have put them into the playoffs), but they actually finished 5-8 and in 9th place (which means, in this League, that you do not advance to the playoffs) primarily because they lost to the horrendous Bums in week 12. I've waited a long time to write that sentence and it feels nice. It does.
2020 Outlook: The Birds, true connoiseurs of fast food (7-11 sushi, anyone?), drafted a bit like they order off the Wendy's dollar menu at 3am. A lot of suspect choices. The Birds took Fournette in the fifth round. Stop laughing, I haven't even gotten to the punchline. After he was cut, the Birds claim they "knew he was going to get cut." And so now he's in Tompa Bay (which I'm also assuming the Birds had planned on). The Birds got sunk last year by having 4-5 Patriots. So now they have two real Patriots and two Tampa Bay Patriots. At least they had the first pick in the draft.
9. NBTU (predicted record: 5-8)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 9th and miss the playoffs. In reality, the NBTUs went 4-9, finished in 11th, and missed the playoffs. In spirit, the pick was spot-on. Kind of like horseshoes.
2020 Outlook: The NBTUs supersized the Mahomes meal and tied their season to the QB. Like Jack in the Box, Julio Jones should be good but just can't be trusted because of how teams double and triple team him. James Washington has a national brand similar to Whataburger. The NBTUs need some clean-up on the bench, but overall the team should have a decent enough floor to be competitive each week due to Mahomes.
10. Wisey’s Bums (predicted record: 4-9)
Last Season: Bums took one for the League last year and were predicted to finish first. And as the prophecy foretells, they finished last in actuality. Not mostly last place. All last place. A 3-10 record and barely scraping together 1,000 points.
2020 Outlook: The Bums had made the playoffs 15 seasons in a row, and now have missed 3 in a row. The drought has weighed heavily on the organization. It's like being trapped in Union Station for years and the only food available is Sbarro. If there is going to be a triumphant return to relevancy, it will start with the redemption story of Zeke Elliott who has sunk the Bums before. He will also probably need to do the work of two RBs, since the Bums failed to draft any other starting RBs.
11. teen stars (predicted record: 4-9)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 8th and actually went 8-5 and finished third. The teen stars advanced to their second Buddy Bowl appearance, but lost to the 1227s.
2020 Outlook: Usually, autodrafter does okay for the teen stars. What can we expect in an autodraft Happy Meal? A few injured "starters?" Indeed. A few players in free-fall down the board? Check. Lions? Yes -- two yes two. And for the special surpise -- the top two WRs are both on the Panthers; whose QB will probably be running the fryolator at Carl's Jr next season. This line-up is probably going to need some work or luck to get to the playoffs
12. Metrosexuals (predicted record: 3-10)
Last Season: Predicted to finish 4th and ended up winning the regular season title at 9-4. That really showed up the Season Previews which always accuses the Metros of fading late in the season. Take that, Season Previews! The Metros then, um, got wiped out in the first round by the bottom-seeded team. So there's that.
2020 Outlook: I don't think anybody ever says that the Metros doesn't draft well. That changes now. A lot of questions about this group. Looking at the roster, did the Metros even have a first round pick? Did they trade it away when I wasn't looking? Were they too busy giving tech support for Zoom to the rest of the Leaguers (it's the three buttons in the upper right!). All of these players will have great games, but the odds of enough of them occurring during the same week is not good. Maybe 4 times? Jonathan Taylor is starting? Who is throwing the ball to Keenan Allen again? It's going to be someone worse than Phillip Rivers, which is saying a lot. Ryan Leaf Jr? Many weeks, points are going to line up for them like they are going to Long John Silvers.
Like a Miracle, 2020 Season is Here
September 13 2020 - The 19th installment of the BRAS League kicks off with the 2020 Season Previews. Who will be jinxed into a last place finish and who is lucky enough to get picked to finish last?