2016 Season Preview

The fifteenth year of The League is upon us. Back when the league began, there was a lot of text required to convey sophisticated analyses, such as those in the Season Preview. Since then, humankind has evolved language through the use of emojis, they are sponsoring this year's previews!

Just like last year's preview, I included the Yahoo draft grades at the bottom for comparison.

1. JoeMorrisBavaros (predicted record: 11-2)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 3rd, but finished 8th with a losing record. However they made it their first Buddy Bowl where they ran into the teen stars' Death Star.

2016 Outlook: Yes, the JmBs had an incredible playoff run to the Buddy Bowl last year. You read that right. But the cost of getting there may have been too high, as they were starting the equivalent of a Canadian Football League practice squad in the big game. Artis-Payne, anyone? But this team is somewhat different. With the exception of somebody called Marvin Jones Jr, the team is stacked. However there is a high risk of reverting to the mean for many of these guys. But that might not hurt them until the playoffs. Again.

2. Cougars (predicted record: 9-4)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 4th, but fell into tenth following a three game losing streak to end the season.

2016 Outlook: In 8 seasons in the league, the Cougs have 3 rings. And they went back to the well -- or rather River -- that got them one of their Buddy Bowl crowns by drafting Philip Rivers. (you see that, the Commish has still got his fastball!) But it is time that the Cougars get back to the Buddy Bowl. And having a quarter of your starters on the Seahawks is better than having that many on some other teams, as we'll see below.

3. Metrosexuals (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to win the league last year, but actually finished fifth and lost in the first round of the playoffs.

2016 Outlook: With the teen stars going to the Buddy Bowl last year, the Metros are now the oldest franchise to have never been to the Buddy Bowl. I take some personal responsibility because I often put them at the top of these previews, which dooms them to mediocrity. Or perhaps it's because of too much attention paid to other leagues? The Metros were locked in during the draft though and stole Russell Wilson and have one of the most solid starting line-ups in the league.

4. Jerks (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 4-9 and in 10th place, and actually finished one win and one place worse than that.

2016 Outlook: Jerks have gone 11-15 since coming into the league, but they got a golden opportunity to start this season off right by receiving the 1st overall pick. And it was such a no-brainer to take Antonio Brown that the Jerks just decided to autodraft for the first pick and second pick and third pick and so on and so forth. So naturally they got Yahoo's top draft grade. They (I mean Yahoo, not the Jerks) then doubled down on the Steelers by taking Big Ben. This is either going to go great or terrible.

5. LOTFW (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 11th, but actually finished in 3rd and won a playoff game.

2016 Outlook: That 2012 Buddy Bowl is getting a little dusty (although the ring isn't since I feel like I just sent it out about two months ago). But the LOTs are a changed franchise since then and may be the heir to the FBRs as the team that gets to a lot of Buddy Bowls and doesn't win. This team reminds me a lot of that 2012 team because most of these players were just going over the hill in 2012.

6. teen stars (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to win three games and finish last. Did win three games... in the playoffs. Obviously, the teen stars won the Buddy Bowl after finishing in 2nd place during the regular season. So the season preview isn't just good at jinxing the highest picked team, it's now a proven way of finding the next Buddy Bowl winner by picking them last.

2016 Outlook: Going into the season riding a 9 game winning streak dating back to mid-last season. That live drafting thing worked out so well, they did it again this year. As long as Drew Brees thaws out from his cryogenic freeze in time for the season, they should be okay.

7. 1227 (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 8th at 6-7, and did finish 6-7, but in 7th place. The 1227s were rewarded with first round playoff visit to the teen stars' buzzsaw.

2016 Outlook: Nobody would ever challenge the strategery (remember that word from the good old days when politicians were relative geniuses to now? Ahhhh), but the 1227s have seemed to set out an extreme challenge to show their true coaching excellence. They have loaded up on 49ers, Redskins, Jaguars, and Rams. The coaching can probably get them to 6 wins again, but if they can get to the playoffs, they could be tough because none of these teams will be resting starters.

8. PlazaPlayas (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 5th with a 7-6 record and actually finished 6th with a 7-6 record. Look at that progonstication! Even a broken watch is right twice a day. The Playas lost in the first round by 1.40.

2016 Outlook: The Great White Hunter! The Playas drafted, made guac and hunted down a mouse all at the same time. And to be successful this season, they will need Aaron Rodgers to throw for TDs, run for TDs, and catch TDs all at the same time. But he won't need to kick, since the Playas once again took a kicker rounds before anyone else even thought about it.

9. Ladybirds (predicted record: 4-9)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 5-8 and in 9th place. Nailed it.

2016 Outlook: The Birds received a D draft grade from Yahoo. Normally, I think it's a good thing when you're at the bottom of that list, but I don't think we've ever seen a D. The Birds see the road back to revelance runs through Oakland, as the Birds offense depends on their QB and RB. The Birds trash talk better be in high gear this year, because they are going to need to throw teams off their game off the field instead of on it.

10. NBTU (predicted record: 4-9)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 2nd last year and actually finished last after only managing two wins. It was like 2003-2004 for the NBTUs.

2016 Outlook: The NBTUs aren't changing the system even after last year's debacle. That system revolves around a patented process of drafting based on player's first names and on whether they've been on the team before. LeSean and DeSean are back for their 18th season on the NBTUs. And Eli is in charge. But is the system good enough to overcome having an unemployed player in the starting line-up? We will soon find out.

11. Wisey’s Bums (predicted record: 4-9)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 6th with a 7-6 record and then finished 4th at 8-5. They won their first round playoff game, which is saying a lot for the Bums.

2016 Outlook: The Bums got their traditional top-3 draft pick and promptly took a player who's already limping around -- Julio Jones. Moving on, the only thing that avoided going into Fat Eddie Lacy's mouth last year was a lifetime ban from the Bums. And he's back with something to prove. And that may be to prove that he can, in fact, get fed a lifetime ban. The Bums are celebrating their 10-year anny of their last Buddy Bowl. Jimmy Smits has switched from coke to viagra, but he's still probably better than most of these guys.

12. The F*** Buddy Ryans (predicted record: 3-10)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 7th, but actually won the regular season title. The fun ended there, though, as the FBRs lost in the first round of the playoffs.

2016 Outlook: As we know, our beloved namesake passed away in the off-season. The FBRs could have changed their logo, but like a certain NFL franchise, they refused to bow to public pressure and change. So the FBRs will continue to feature Buddy Ryan, while the Jaguars will continue to wear those hideous helmets and drawing of a cat that I may have sketched. The FBRs have been a great franchise over the last nine years or so, but the rebuilding starts here with The Curse of Buddy Ryan. The Curse doesn't care how good your draft was.