2014 Season Preview

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest team of all? Everybody starts the season thinking it could have their fairy tale ending. The fact is that the glass Buddy Bowl ring only fits one finger.

Just like last year's preview, I included the Yahoo draft grades at the bottom for comparison.

1. 1227 (predicted record: 11-2)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 1st and actually finished 2nd... but won the Buddy Bowl! Does this mean the jinx of being picked first in the season preview is over?

2014 Outlook: As always, it must be mentioned that no team has repeated as champions. They rode Manning last year and have now hitched the carriage to Brees. So the 1227s went with the youngest team in the draft, so that none of them would have a knowledge of league history. Most of them don't even know know what a phone book is.

2. LOTFW (predicted record: 9-4)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 2nd and actually finished 4th – and immediately went back to classic LOT fashion by losing in the first round of the playoffs.

2014 Outlook: Once again, a strong draft by the LOTs. If not for all the uncertainty on how good Kaepernick will be, they would have been picked to win the league. If he's the guy from two years ago, then they probably will be champs. They stole Andre Johnson and Arian Foster in the draft. And in classic LOT fashion, there are some players on this team I've never heard of.

3. JoeMorrisBavaros (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 7th and actually finished 1st at the end of the regular season. The playoffs brought a new pain though as the JmBs became the first team to lose to an 8-seed since 2003.

2014 Outlook: It seems like we're in a new world order with JmBs competing each year. When I look in the mirror on the wall, I see either weeks where the JmBs are scoring 130 points and crowing from the rooftops, or they are scroing 70 points and clutching nips of Old Crow. But there will be quite a few more good weeks than bad.

4. Ladybirds (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 10th and actually finished 7th – a season of highs and lows and a first round playoff loss.

2014 Outlook: His cone of silence during the draft was a bit of a deviation from previous drafts. The last time he took Jamaal Charles to the ball with his first overall pick, the relationship lasted about 10 plays until Charles was out for the season. But Maurice Drew Jones is back, and he knows the philosophy too. Somehow the Birds got Yahoo's highest grade for the draft. I'm bumping them up a little bit for it, but I really cannot see it.

5. New Team (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Playing in several hundred other leagues before replacing the Hos.

2014 Outlook: If I was to put as much effort into writing this preview as this club put into picking its team name, we'd probably have seen it wrap up about 26 words ago. After already drafting for about two dozen other teams this year, the new team should have had this one down to a science. And it showed through the nice WR picks. However, the RB corp is abysmal, unless Tom Coughlin kisses Rashad Jennings and turns him into a prince.

6. The F*** Buddy Ryans (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 4th and actually finished 3rd – the Prof has gotten to at least the Final Four in five straight seasons.

2014 Outlook: Typically, the FBRs are built for speed out of the gate and do really well for about 15 weeks, and then the footmen turn back into lizards. Or whatever. I think this year, the team is built for less regular season success and more late season success. Julian Edelman will have gotten hurt and missed 10 weeks and be primed for the playoff run.

7. Metrosexuals (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 5th and actually finished 10th – I think it's always been true that no team is less scary in the playoffs than the Metros... particularly when they don't get to the playoffs.

2014 Outlook: The Metros must have called a favor in to his fairy godmother to get AP at 5th in the draft. The Metros have one of the better starting backfields in the league. The team has a ton of upside, with the potential of Cam Newton and Gronk, but the rest of the Metro destiny will depend on how much management is given to the team during the season. On draft performance alone, I'd put the Metros in the top 3 in the league.

8. NBTU (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 9th and actually finished 12th – it was a throw-back season to their first couple years in the league.

2014 Outlook: The NBTUs dreams of a year when there are enough players whose names beginning with De or Le to field an entire team. DeSean is finally back and now he's joined be Le'Veon. The NBTUs could be managing a QB controversy throughout the season between Luck and RG3. The distraction might cause them to miss the playoffs, but playing it right could get them much higher.

9. Cougars (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 6th and actually finished 11th – they finally looked like an expansion team last season – it just took six years.

2014 Outlook: Missing the playoffs again?! Yes, primarily due to too many Bears and Jets (yes, one Jet is too many). Andre Ellington could be the wildcard, if he really is another Jamaal Charles. But he does play for the Cardinals and is already hurt. Cougs need to turn to their in-season management skills to get out of the bottom-four and into the ball at the end of the season.

10. teen stars (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 11th and actually finished 6th – but of course, in classic teen stars style, they finished with fewer points than teams that missed the playoffs.

2014 Outlook: Autodrafter! It may be time to start calling the teen stars Ms. Roboto. The RB group looks strong, but the WRs look potentially disasterous. Ditto with the QBs, unless Foles is really going to throw 13 times more TDs than INTs again. That sounds less realistic than the plot of Rumplestiltskin.

11. PlazaPlayas (predicted record: 3-10)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 12th and actually finished 5th – not only did they win as many times as the first two seasons combine, the Playas also won a playoff game.

2014 Outlook: Playas were respectable last year, but guacamole got a lot more attention that his team this year. And then there was the mind-blowing first round pick of Tom Brady. They could have waited a few more rounds for their prince to come along, because he still would have been there much later. It's not all avocados and Uggs.

12. Wisey’s Bums (predicted record: 2-11)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 8th, and actually finished 8th. Barely. But then went on epic playoff run that ended in Buddy Bowl XII.

2014 Outlook: Never have the Bums been in such disarray. Socially Irresponsible top-to-bottom. Wes Welker immediately committed to the team philosophy by getting a four game suspension. As opposed to the 1227s youth movement, the Bums players don't know what a phone book is either because, as Steve Smith the Senior said, "Is that something to do with a phonograph?" Getting 2 wins is optimistic.It is worth noting, though, that the Bums received the worst draft grade from Yahoo last year as well, and that draft resulted in a Buddy Bowl appearance.