2015 Playoffs

List of Buddy Bowls

VS

123.68

70.75

It Is Their Destiny

teen stars strike down JmBs

Dec 30, 2015 - The teen stars -- wearing their Star Wars throw-backs -- lived up to expectations in BB XIV. They continued their playoff rampage by smoking the JmBs, 123.68-70.75, for their first ring. It was the most lopsided championship game since BB IV.

Playoff coverage

Buddy Bowl XIV Preview

Our 14th season is coming to a close and it was one of the best yet, with tons of story lines, laughs, tears, and store-bought guacamole. Also, the last remaining founding franchise without a Buddy Bowl appearance now has one - the teen stars. The JmBs also now have their first Buddy Bowl appearance, ironically as an 8-seed after two consecutive seasons as failing as a top seed. This is the first Buddy Bowl between two first-time teams since Buddy Bowl IV. Yes, it's the first time in ten years that we're guaranteed to have a first time Buddy Bowl champ. Interestingly, Buddy Bowl IV was also the biggest Buddy Bowl blow-out of all time -- NBTUs over the Hos, 145-73 -- and this year's game may challenge this record, if the experts are right. And speaking of experts, let's get to the official preview with a guest previewer...

(2) teen stars (9-4) vs. (8) JoeMorrisBavaros (6-7)

Ho-ho-huuuuugee! It's me, Donald J. Trump. I bet you weren't expecting me to be around long enough to do both the season preview and the Buddy Bowl preview. But I'm here to stay and I'm peaking just at the right time. The same is true for the teen stars have been amazing. They are averaging over 123 points/game over their last five games, and have won 8 in a row. But I have to say, I have some questions about the stamina of the JmBs. They've won four in a row, but have had some really, ugly, ugly wins recently -- especially against the Bums. Look, I have a ton of respect for the JmBs, especially after they bouned back from getting schlonged by Peyton Manning. They are fighters and top notch professionals. You don't get to the Buddy Bowl by being terrible. But the teen stars are really terrific. You look at that roster and it's all winners. Russell Wilson -- and we're long time friends -- just can't be stopped right now. Antonio Brown is classy. I don't know what else to say about him. I don't know who some of these guys on the JmBs roster are. One I don't think is even a guy. His name is Christine. There are some losers on there. Theo Riddick is a very, very low energy person. Both teams are dealing with some injuries. Bad genes. I'm in perfect health, and I certainly wouldn't sit out a chance to perform on the biggest stage. This game is like me against the whole Democratic party. It's going to be a huuuuggge win for the teen stars. But I like the underdog as much as anybody else... wait, no I don't. For the JmBs to win, there will need to be a miracle. I could make a call to my friends in the Vatican, but I don't think it would matter. The 2015 teen stars are just too classy. teen stars by 29.

Final Four Previews

I love when I can basically just copy and paste from the previous season. For the seventh season in a row, the 2 and 5 seeds have made the Final Four. After nine consecutive seasons of the top seed getting to the Final Four, we've now had three straight seasons of the top seed losing in the first round. Of this group, both the teen stars and JmBs have never reached the Buddy Bowl.

(2) teen stars (9-4) vs. (3) LOTFW (8-5)

History: In the history of the LOTs franchise, they have won four playoff games -- three when they won the Buddy Bowl in 2012 and the one last week. The teen stars have never been to the big game. The last time they were in the Final Four was against that championship LOTs team in 2012.

Keys to victory: The teen stars are on fire. They've won seven in a row and have only scored less than 100 points in one of those games -- when they scored 99.47. So basically, the key to them winning is to just keep doing what they do every week. Russell Wilson continues to put up Star Wars box office type numbers, and gave them 37 last week. They essentially look like the LOTs during weeks 1-6. They need Cam Newton to keep pace with Wilson if they hope to have any chance. Somehow Denard Robinson is projected to be the second-highest scoring player on the LOTs. Just seeing a thing like that is bad luck. teen stars by 7.

(4) Wisey's Bums (8-5) vs. (8) JoeMorrisBavaros (6-7)

History: So apparently for the JmBs to get a playoff win, they need to get the worst seed (instead of their recent tradition of getting the top seed) and have their top quarterback lost midway through the season. They shocked the world with an upset of the top-seeded FBRs last week. Earlier in the season when they faced the FBRs, they were but the learner. Now they are the master. The Bums are known for Buddy Bowl appearances and wins back before the iphone existed. However, the Bums were in the Buddy Bowl just two years ago and were uncompetitive vs the 1227s.

Keys to victory: When the JmBs and Bums met this year in week 7, it was a real journey down the garbage chute. The JmBs won 72-66. A key for the Bums would be to not replicate their performance that game when three players combined for 0.55 points. Only one of the RBs appearing in that game -- between both teams -- will also be playing this week. Brady skipped out on practice this week due to "illness." So we know he's seen the Force Awakens. The Bums need the Packers to awaken, since Fat Eddie and Cobb have been huge disappointments this year. The JmBs have found a great leader in Fitzpatrick, but he's definitely not as good at appearing in commercials as a certain previous JmB QB. Greg Olsen's gamesmanship with his appearance on the injury report is appropriate for this important of a game. Whichever team has fewer players disappoint will win. Bums by 2.

Round 1 Previews

You may have heard that a new Star Wars movie is coming out. But doing a Star Wars theme is a bit difficult without villains. It seems that the league is really without it's Darth Vader villain since the JJs were kicked out. The Hoya Destroyas were a nice Jabba the Hutt type villain. Now what do we have? The Jerks? They're like Salacious Crumb more than anything. Nonetheless, Disney wanted to sponsor the first round of the playoffs, so here we go...

(1) The F*** Buddy Ryans (11-2) vs. (8) JoeMorrisBavaros (6-7) -- A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there has been a previous playoff Thrillage. The 3-seed FBRs beat the 6-seed JmBs in 2012, and the FBRs would go on to (spoiler alert!) lose the Buddy Bowl to the LOTs that year. The FBRs haven't won a regular season championship since 2010. An anemic Thrillage went down in Week 10 when the teams combined for barely 110 points. The JmBs lost in the first round the last two seasons, despite being the top seed. Maybe they can turn the tables on the 1-seed. By being struck down, Peyton Manning has become more powerful than you can imagine. He basically saved the JmBs season by getting hurt. The JmBs have been picking up more broken down rubbish than a Jawa sandcrawler. Meanwhile, the FBRs have been riding quietly consistent players all the way. It works until you meet a hot team, but that probably is not the JmBs. FBRs by 3.

(2) teen stars (9-4) vs. (7) 1227s (6-7) -- It's the Homestead War. The teen stars were the highest scoring team in the league. In other words, this battlestation is fully operational. However, the reports coming out of teen stars HQ make it sound like they are already planning on a Buddy Bowl championship, despite not having previosuly been to the big game. It's a a bit like Gran Moff Tarkin thinking that no one can stop the destructive power of the Death Star. The teen stars won the Homestead War against the 1227s in week 10. The teen stars are indeed the hottest team in the league now, especially since Russell Wilson is going to score 30 points a week. The 1227s have sent a message out to Eli and ODB that they are the teams only hope. They'll need to connect on three TDs for the 1227s to win. teen stars by 7.

(3) LOTFW (8-5) vs. (6) PlazaPlayas (7-6) -- What could these two have in common? Get ready for the "I am your father moment." The PlazaPlayas only playoff win was a against the LOTs in 2013. That's impossible! The Playas started off 5-0 this year, so it doesn't take the force to figure out they haven't been great in the 8 following games. The LOTs were blowing up planets earlier in the season, but have cooled off a bit. But having Cam Netwon, Big Ben, and Andy Dalton has helped in keeping other teams from getting hot by having one of those QBs. It's about as fair as George Lucas going back and editing the original three movies, but what can you do? In order to win, the Playas really need Brees to come swooping in at the last second and say, "you're all clear, kid. Let's blow this thing and go home." Keep in mind that there is a precedent for a team succeeding when its best player is its kicker. See: The Return of the Bums and Neil Rackers. LOTs by 5.

(4) Wisey's Bums (8-5) vs. (5) Metrosexuals (8-5) -- The recent match-ups between the Bums and Metros have been like speeders against AT-AT walkers, with the Bums playing the part of the speeders. The armor of the Metros is too tough for blasters. The Bums lost to the Metros in week 9. And haven't beaten the Metros since 2012. The one time they've faced in the playoffs, the Metros won, in 2004. The Bums looked great earlier in the season, but have fizzled. Now it's anybody's guess how they'll play. They walk in single-file to hide their numbers. The fact that their two starting RBs opened the season by working in movie theaters is probably a bad sign. Shaun Draughn sounds like a bounty hunter. Meanwhile, the Metros have put together a whole that is better than its parts, seemingly. Despite nearly every player on the roster playing worse than expected (remember that the Metros were picked to win it all), the Metros still finished 8-5 and are favored over the higher seeded Bums. Metros by 1.