2011 Season Preview

Nostradamus said some pretty weird trash over the years, but after diligently watching the History Channel, I heard this prophecy attributed to him: "When nine years have passed, a nonfounding member will reign for 13 weeks and then 3 more. So long as the union of metros and sexuals update their line-up, there will be of people and beasts a horrible rout."

With that, I give thee the 2011 Season Previews.

1. Metrosexuals (predicted record: 10-3)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 6th, actually finished 8th (6-7) and made the playoffs after missing them in three of the previous four seasons

2011 Season Outlook: The Metros took advantage of Chris Johnson sliding all the way down to 7th, and have two other arguable first rounders in Tom Brady and Matt Forte. Their biggest issue is going to be rooting for all the Jets and Pats simultaneously. The Metros haven't made regular weekly updates to their roster in years, but if they stay on top of it this year, it could mean their first Buddy Bowl.

2. 1227 (predicted record: 9-4)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 1st, actually finished 5th (8-5) – not characteristic regular season for the 1227s, but they did end up in that game called Buddy Bowl IX.

2011 Season Outlook: This is the third straight season that the 1227s have Michael Turner – it’s getting to Fitzgerald+Bums and Favresaurus+Birds levels. Yahoo and Toyota deemed the 1227s to have the best draft, and if Vick plays half as well as he did last year, I’ll agree. The 1227s autodrafted, so I don’t know what that says about the rest of us.

3. LOTFW (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 4th, actually finished 7th (6-7) – in the last four seasons, the LOTs have finished between 6th and 9th.

2011 Season Outlook: The LOTs may have gotten the most steals in the draft, with Schaub in the 5th, Jacobs in the 8th and Hightower in the 9th. The LOTs need a superstar to emerge in order to finish this high. Could be Schaub or Hightower.

4. Georgetown Hos (predicted record: 8-5)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 2nd, actually finished 11th (4-9) – missed playoffs for second straight year

2011 Season Outlook: Somebody’s going to put their foot down, and that foot is Herr Henkin. In order to show his team who’s boss this year, Herr Henkin autodrafted – Tony Romo, welcome to your robot overlords. As long as Brandon Marshall doesn't get stabbed in the gut again, or get Megatron doesn't get drunk driven over by Marshawn Lynch, the Hos should have a winning season.

5. Cougars (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 3rd, actually finished 2nd (9-4) and won Buddy Bowl IX – Cougars are getting almost as easy to predict as the JmBs, but for different reasons

2011 Season Outlook: A couple autodrafted players never hurt anyone. But if Fred Jackson and Mario Manningham don’t play well, I know that someone is going to get hurt. Having Adrian Peterson means one thing -- BRAS League mediocrity. I know from living it.

6. NBTU (predicted record: 7-6)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 7th, actually finished 10th (4-9) and extended streak of losing seasons to four – they’ll always have the museum

2011 Season Outlook: Having two Jacobys on one team is a BRAS first. The NBTUs' future hinges on last year's rookie busts: Know This Knowshon Moreno and Ryan Mathews.

7. The F*** Buddy Ryans (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 10th, actually finished 1st (11-2) and became first team to win consecutive regular season titles – could have had something to do with being picked at the bottom of the Season Previews last year

2011 Season Outlook: How the FBRs got bona fide starting RBs in the 6th and 7th rounds is beyond me. Even with Aaron Rodgers, the Prof is satistically due for a reversion to the mean, but that still includes a playoff berth. Plus they play the Bums and PlazaPlayas twice.

8. JoeMorrisBavaros (predicted record: 6-7)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 12th, actually finished 12th (3-10) – here are some fishes in a barrel, I wonder if I can shoot them

2011 Season Outlook: It bears repeating. The JmBs have been in the League for six seasons and never finished higher than 11th. Haven’t the JmBs suffered enough? The JmBs made some good mid-round picks. There was an earthquake in DC and a hurricane in NYC. You better believe that the JmBs can make the playoffs in a year like this.

9. Ladybirds (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 9th, actually finished 4th (8-5) – couldn’t get out of the first round of the playoffs in bid to get a repeat title

2011 Season Outlook: Every year the Birds look like they have the worst draft, and while this may be true, the Birds manage their way around it. Aside from getting to play the lowly Bums twice, it looks like there is too much competition for the Birds to work their post-draft magic.

10. PlazaPlayas (predicted record: 5-8)

Last Season: N/A

2011 Season Outlook: The first year team has big shoes to fill. And they got off on the right foot by taking a bit of a gamble by drafting Mendenhall higher than consensus, and then dropping Jonathan Stewart (but instead of doing this to get a rookie, which was the JJ way, they got a 60 year old man in Derrick Mason). The first season can be rough for expansion teams, with the Cougars being the exception. Despite the board of advisors reportedly assembled by the PPs, five wins seems about right, but they'll be happy with just beating the Birds.

11. teen stars (predicted record: 4-9)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 8th, actually finished 9th (5-8) – despite averaging more than 10 points a game more than the Metros, the teen stars lost out on the last playoff spot to them

2011 Season Outlook: Autodrafter killed the teen stars. Autodrafter killed the teen stars.

12. Wisey’s Bums (predicted record: 2-11)

Last Season: Predicted to finish 11th, actually finished 6th (6-7) – still have never missed playoffs, but probably should have last year

2011 Season Outlook: Although the prediction may seem hollow at this point, the Bums really are going to miss the playoffs this year. Peyton Manning has really killed them this time. The Bums have been making a flurry of meaningless add/drops to pay homage to the JJs. It is really difficult to foresee how this team wins any games.